What Is the Root of All Suffering?
👀 🎥 Click here to watch my video about this topic.
When we think about suffering, it’s easy to trace it back to one specific cause: expectation. Let me explain.
When I say “expectation,” I’m referring to our tendency to fixate on positive outcomes—the belief that things should go a certain way. And when life doesn’t align with those expectations, we allow ourselves to feel disappointed, hurt, and sometimes even defeated.
As people, or products of a physical reality, we naturally gravitate toward external factors to feel happy. After all, what’s the point of life if we aren’t happy? For many of us, that question feels empty and meaningless if we imagine living without happiness. And so, to “be happy,” many of us look outside ourselves for answers and satisfaction.
We start to think:
“If the person I like wants to be with me, then I’ll be happy.”
“If I get this job, then I’ll be happy.”
“If I make a certain amount of money, then I’ll be happy.”
Or even something as small as, “If they text me back, then I’ll be happy.”
But how often does it really work out that way? And even when it does, how often does that happiness last?
The problem with relying on these external expectations is that it gives away our power over our own happiness. By placing our contentment in things outside of us, we make ourselves vulnerable to the natural ups and downs of life. This reliance on external gratification can start to feel like an addiction—one that we must continually feed but that never truly satisfies.
The Trap of External Gratification
When we chase happiness solely through external achievements or relationships, our actions become less about personal growth and inner peace and more about trying to quench an insatiable need for gratification. But here’s the reality: external satisfaction is always temporary. It might feel good for a while, but eventually, it fades, and we’re left wanting again.
This cycle can feel eerily similar to addiction. The happiness from “getting what we want” never truly lasts, and before long, we’re back to craving the next thing, the next person, or the next event to make us feel complete. This endless pursuit keeps us distracted from a more long-term and sustainable path: finding happiness within.
How to Build a Lasting Happiness
So, how do we break free from the suffering that unmet expectations bring? It starts with learning to manage our expectations and letting go of the idea that happiness is something outside of ourselves. When we focus on what’s within, we stay grounded and concentrate on things that genuinely matter.
Real happiness—happiness that lasts—comes from within. By letting go of our expectations for how life should play out, we free ourselves from the inevitable suffering that follows when things don’t go as planned. Instead of placing our worth and joy in external outcomes, we can direct our energy toward personal growth and self-acceptance.
Imagine if, instead of focusing on outcomes we can’t control, we focused on:
Learning to truly love ourselves
Understanding our place in the world and the universe
Working to become the best versions of ourselves
Healing past insecurities and traumas
By investing in these areas, we’re building a form of happiness that’s sustainable—a happiness that can carry us through life’s ups and downs without being shaken. This inner happiness goes beyond fleeting moments and outlasts the expectations we once placed on external events.
Conclusion
So, if we want to let go of suffering, we need to look closely at our expectations. Happiness isn’t about waiting for life to give us something; it’s about creating that happiness ourselves. We can free ourselves from the suffering of unmet expectations by investing in what’s within.
It’s only by turning inward that we can build a life full of joy and abundance, untethered to the outcomes that life may or may not deliver.
